When I was eight, I had my First Communion. Clad in white like little miniature brides, we Catholic girls eagerly awaited our sacrament. As a gift, my mother gave me a beautiful statue of Mary. I'll never forget how she looked, painted in pearlescent pastels, with a halo of faux diamonds crowning her head. When She was given to me, I slept on the floor beneath where She stood in homage to Her. In many ways that was the beginning of my life juxtaposed as both a Catholic and goddess worshipper. Can one be both at times? I have to ponder this time and again, as I seem comforted with a balanced oscillation between She who is of the Old Way and She who would be historically revised as the mother to God and universe. 

While it's been almost 25 years since my First Communion, and almost nineteen years after my first encounter with earth power and the goddess, these memories of receiving a statue of Mary for the first time has become a starting point from which I have always defined "goddess". I remember Mary being the one instance of my Catholic upbringing that openly revered woman as both the figure of a mother-woman and priestess, representing ultimate compassion and empowerment.

Yet, as a 21st century second-wave feminist, I can't help but feel somewhat irked when I evaluate Mary through the scope of the church, who reinforces the idea that virginity is king (or in this case "queen") and because of it, Mary is "full of grace." She obeys God and accepts the mode d'etre as mother to the son of God. Nonetheless, an eleventh century litany to Mary makes references that honoring Mary is to honor the sky and gardens and that Mary is as bright as the sun and serene as the moon. But perhaps the state of her virginity was not originally intended as a reference to her sexual purity, rather the state of being untouched. In this context, the goddess indeed shares this virginity -She too is untouchable, not in the context that refers to a class, but rather in the physical sense. The goddess is of course all around us and because of this omnipresence is not exactly tangible -thus "untouchable" --literally. Perhaps the reference to Mary as virgin is not indicative of an immaculate conception, rather an earlier meaning to a goddess that was thought to be everywhere, present in nature, earth, and the universe.

I needn't further expound on the obvious similarities between Mary and the goddess. This has been done ad nauseam. What I am really interested in is the question about Mary's popularity, for despite my ambivalence for Catholicism and in lieu of recognizing clear misogyny in church dogma, I still love Mary and view her as the, if you will, saving grace of the church to an extent. I also believe that my steadfast love for her is imbibed in the fact that she offers the archetype from which I (re)define goddess time and time again. When I visualize goddess, I don't necessarily picture Artemis or Hecate, at least not at first. First, I see Mary as a queen, serene in her priestess-like robe, her hands outstretched pointing to the earth as if to say, "here and now; on the earth, I am here," and her image then goes through a metamorphosis into whichever goddess I need -if I need my visual of her is to change at all! Nonetheless, the entire goddess experience for me begins with Mary.

Perhaps that's why one day, long after my beloved Mary statue from my First Communion was accidentally shattered, I went online and ordered myself a statue and medal of Mary. Even though the Neolithic goddesses often used in our modern Spiral Dance predated the traditional mother of Jesus, for me Mary will always represent the foundation from which I envision the mother goddess of all.

It's May, one of my favorite months of the wheel, not only because it's spring and the overture of summer begins with Beltane, but also because it is the one month of the year completely dedicated to the adoration of Mary, Queen of the May. Whether you worship Mary as the incarnation of goddess or not, this month is a great time to adore the mother goddess. What will you do to show the goddess an extra bit of attention? Will you decorate your altar and a statue of Mary or goddess of choice with some freshly picked spring flowers? Will you strive to make greater efforts to help women in your community in need in the name of goddess? Will you take this month as a turning point and at last begin to treat the goddess within you with the adoration, respect and love both she and you deserve?

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